Man-flops (with Jeans)

I am so terribly sorry to bring up flip-flops again. I know, I know, you got the point three posts ago...do not wear flip-flops (particularly white in the midst of winter). Well this is a bit of a different approach to the flip-flop (different from what you've previously read).

The male worn flip-flop, formerly known in my vocabularly as the "man-flop," is not the prettiest site. Now, I'm not opposed to the all togetherness of a man sporting flip-flops, I just believe it is unacceptable to witness a flip flop with jeans (long denim pants). Please, please, please, stop advertising this hanious trend. I only call it a trend because I've witnessed numerous men sporting the worn in flip-flop with a casual baggy jean. It's just not hot and not nice to look at. I can safely say that a majority of men do not have manicured toes...especially in the middle of winter. So, why would anyone in their right mind want to be exposed to a fungi infected big toe? I just cannot even fathom an answer to that question. Gentlemen out there, please listen when I say that it is not cute to wear your surfer-esc Rainbow sandals with your worn in jeans, and just take baby steps towards a full figured shoe.

Postscript: I'd like to mention briefly that I had a serious encounter with a male wearing a pair of sparkly white Louis Vuitton flip-flops, and I came so close to taking a designer flop to the head after "shh-ing" this person during a meeting. So I advise anyone who witnesses this particular fashion faux pas to be careful of the high fashion(eg: Louis Vuitton, Dior, D&G, Marc Jacobs etc.). The men wearing these designs will most likely have more of an oppinion than you, so in this case just glance, take mental note, and walk away.

Trendy Glasses. That Is All.

Faux Reading Glasses

Eye glasses are of course a necessity for those with impaired vision. Sunglasses are a necessity when our natural light is far too bright, or we've simply had a rough night and need to cover up those puffy morning eyes.
Recently (within the past year) I have commonly seen the sporting of faux reading glasses. Simply wearing glasses with fake lenses just for the hell of it? I understand this is in fact a fashion statement being made (a statement that I cannot understand), but isn't it annoying wearing glasses that you don't even need? It's just having to worry about an extra accessory and an extra something on your face. I suppose these impostor glasses can look cute on the right face, but they are just by no means necessary. So, please stop. All of you hipster folks out there who feel the need to throw on a pair of these not-so practical glasses, break away and donate those false lenses back to the store where you most likely bought them in the first place.

Stunna Shades...I'll Shun your Shades

Note: I do not know who this is, but unfortunately (for this man) my use of this image is NOT restricted and this is just not hot. NO KANYE GLASSES!

You've all seen 'em. The "sunglasses" that come in a variety of different colors, especially obnoxious neon brights. These particular sunglasses, formerly known as "The Kanye West Glasses", have almost the same shape as aviators, but are a bit more square. Now here is what makes these so called "sunglasses" oh so special. The lenses of these shades are not a standard lens. These lenses consist of strips of plastic, much like that of the frame. Basically, rather than shading light from your eyes, you're the allowing light to splice through the non-existent lens. So I see one of three things going wrong when wearing "The Kanye West Glasses": having a seizure from constant flashes of light being let in through the non-existent lens, becoming blinded for a moment and running into something sharp, or simply looking like a fool. Wear these at your own risk; however, I suggest to simply not.

I Don't Care If You're Going on an Island Getaway...Leave the Hawaiian Print Shirt at Home. Just Throw It Away for That Matter.

Above: Her face clearly says "The Hawaiian print just isn't working for him."

There is an item of clothing notoriously known as the Hawaiian print shirt. It is worn by men of all ages, particularly during the summertime and especially on vacations to tropical destinations. The Hawaiian print shirt can be identified by its variety of different colored birds of paradise and palm fronds against a solid color background. You'll even occasionally witness a sailboat or hula skirt thrown into the mix of tropical trees and flowers.

This trend must come to an end. The Hawaiian shirt is not, has not, and never will be classified as sexy men's apparel. I know, I know, putting an end to Hawaiian shirts may put Tommy Bahama out of business, but that might just be okay. By destroying Luau themed dress wear, the eyes of men young and old will be exposed to something far better: a dress shirt of a solid color, vertical stripes, a polo even.

So, all of the men out there, please think twice before putting on that Hawaiian print shirt, let alone purchasing one. Bright and colorful flowers against a scenic backdrop do not constitute as "dressy". Plus, there's no need to wear this fashion "don't" even when visiting an island, because everyone with whom you will have come into contact will surely know that he or she is in fact on an island, without the blinding Hawaiian print.

Boots with the Fur...and a Skirt?

I'm not going to lie. I am quite of fan of Ugg boots. I have several pair and I wear them all of the time...with jeans and sweats and PJs. Now a common faux pas that one may witness all across the nation is a pair of those oh-so-comfy Uggs paired with...wait for it, wait for it...a miniskirt! It's like witnessing a walking oxymoron. The Ugg boots are lined with a very warm sheepskin, keeping your feet nice and toasty, leaving your bare legs completely exposed to the coldness underneath a freakin' miniskirt (minus double points if this skirt happens to be denim). I will just never understand the combination of this article of clothing with this particular shoe. Oh, and FYI, ladies of Southern California, if you dare venture out in the city with your pink Uggs and a mini-skirt with those "fabulous" rind stoned lined pockets, you are most definitely noticed and labeled, and not in a good way.

Please do not Even Try to Tell me You're not Freezing!

So, here we stand in the middle of winter. We have had on- again, off-again rain for the past month with crisp winds and beyond chilly-nights. Now, San Francisco is an interesting city for a countless number of reasons, but I have theorized that because San Francisco is in California, an out-of-towner naturally assumes that it is warm here, much like the cities in Southern California. Ladies, ladies, ladies...do yourself a favor and save yourself a freezing afternoon by dressing appropriately for the weather. The white flip-flops and tank-tops need to be stashed away for the winter and maybe will be allowed to venture out again come spring (fall if you are in fact living in San Francisco). There is no way that your toes are not on the verge of frostbite in forty-eight degree weather with winds up to fifty miles per hour, while you are standing at the bus stop. C'mon. This just needs to stop. Give those little toes a treat and buy some closed-toed shoes. Frankly, flip-flops are a piece of apparel that should only make appearances at the beach or any other water scene, so if you are in fact wearing a pair of these so-called "shoes" in the dead of winter, it is past time to invest in a real shoe and put those other things into hibernation.

Pajamas are not Clothes.

The sighting of one of many culprits of a fashion faux pas was spotted this afternoon at Chipotle Mexican Grille. Now, I completely understand that it was chilly and raining, and maybe you just didn't want to get out of bed. But rolling out of your front door and into a somewhat crowded restaurant for a late lunch in your pajamas is just completely unacceptable. I mean c'mon, you're wearing shoes. You had time to tie up your squeaky-clean tennies, but you couldn't throw on a pair of jeans, or even sweatpants? I mean sweatpants are just like pajamas in the sense of comfort, but unlike pajamas they are completely acceptable to wear in public due to the fact that they can be worn to gyms (which are public places), and are a great form of casual lounge-wear. So I advise you to think twice the next time you bend over to tie those shoes that you happen to be wearing with your flannel pjs, and just take one step further and put on some appropriate bottoms.